It may be misleading and it definitely is a long read so I don’t mind if you quit halfway.
I am not going to talk about giving out to charity and start being a good person and nice towards others. I am going to talk about how to do the right thing in this life and what is the right thing to do?
The right thing to do is what your heart loves to do. (Of course, I do not mean stalking, killing, drugging, suicides or whatever another horrible hurtful thing you can think of that is harmful or bad to others and to you.) I don’t know a lot of people and I don’t have many people as friends, but I have been and I have seen others changing their lives so they would fit better. That is definitely 100% wrong thing to do. But I have learned some ways and I want to share how it has improved my life practicing these ways.
BE AS YOU ARE. BE REAL.
Be as fun as you are, be serious, smartypants, whiny, happy, sad, supportive, unemotional, super emotional, dreamy, careless, lazy, active or any other quality you may have that you have noticed doesn’t usually match with most of the people.
The right thing to do in this life is to let yourself be real. At first yes, you will most definitely lose people. Especially when you haven’t been the real you at first. It is going to be hard, but you know what is harder? Continuing to keep them, to pretend and one day after years realizing that this is so wrong, you are not living for yourself – this is harder and then it is really hard to let go of these people, the pretentious lifestyle.
Saying no to and letting go of your pretentious personality is powerful. You will see the people go, your life getting easier and then you see people coming who are the way you are, who have same or similar qualities. Maybe you will even get a total opposite to learn from each other. From my own experience emotional me and my unemotional man, but we have so many other similar qualities.
It is also true that some people are for life and some people come for just a period in your life or another way around. You will notice it when you don’t fit in their life anymore and they don’t really try to fit you either. Also another way around, you will see when you don’t really feel good around that person for a long enough time.
It is okay, you have to let them go because when you keep a friend you know you really don’t want to spend time with, you are also wasting their time. Same goes with relationships. We can’t keep people from getting to grow in their lives. Maybe you are keeping a spot, that you know you don’t even need. Think through are the people around you knowing the real you or are you pretentious with them to feel more similar and to feel like you belong.
It is better to be alone than to be someone you are not. Trust me.
Okay here comes a question I know I had… But how will anyone ever love me if they get to know the true part of me? Which for me was my depression and my moods, my bad days.. I have been hiding these for a really long time. People called me a burst of sunshine when in reality I cried every damn day at home and it was so exhausting to not be able to show what I was. “How could anyone ever love me when I am such a weak girl?”
I got tired of hiding my depression. What happened when I showed it? I have a loyal man, who knows me more than anyone ever has. He knows me inside out, my every fear, mood, he knows how unexpected I can be and he is here. He doesn’t really know at all how to act at the moment, but he knows. I have been real since the second we started our relationship and it has been so easy for me because I don’t have to hide. When I have a breakdown, I can have it in front of him and he will be there for me, most of the times at least. This wouldn’t have gotten so far when I would have been hiding it since the beginning.
Besides a man, I have lost/let go of all of my hiding period friends. And instead of them, I have truly amazing people, better people FOR ME. Those who went, they could have never been so much to me and I started to realize it when my interests changed and theirs got only stronger. My time with them had ended and my time with my new people has begun. This didn’t happen overnight and it actually took years, the transformation of letting go and letting in new.
INTERESTS DEFINE YOU WAY MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
Learn to know yourself human and never stop learning.
I remember from my teenage years, I talked with so many people about how awkward it is when someone asks to talk about yourself. Girls especially told that what am I supposed to say??? “I can’t tell him I like to watch movies all night and sleep all day, he will run.”
We should be honest once again. I know society is cruel and some people really really hurt you when you open up, but hey, if you don’t, the people who love to do the same things, won’t ever find the way to you. Neither will find the people who know how you feel and what you mean. And let me tell you another thing, opportunities won’t most definitely find a way to you if you constantly suppress your souls’ interests.
I am so happy that I don’t have even one person in my life that is all about those typical things that I don’t really enjoy. I was for a year maximum like that partying-don’t-care-I’m-young, then I got tired of it, but the people in my life were more like that. My life got boring, I didn’t really care about what they talked about and for a really long time, I felt lonely and had big questions about how to find friends if you don’t party… Really interesting… Life finds a way if you start looking for you. However difficult or not usual your interest is, life will find a way. Are you sure Matu?
YES, when life has always found me a friend in different periods of times, different girls, but I have always had a girl to talk about mentality, the universe, deeper things and things that people don’t talk about and people laugh at. I have had always one because I have always known – this is what I love to do, this is what I interest in, this is one part that defines my right thing to do and this is one thing I won’t hide.
Do what you love as much as you can.
Lose everything, or minimize everything that is not so important in your life, that you don’t really like or that you have always wanted to not do, but you have been living by faking yourself.
*10 balls system 10 being the most time consuming, often done or being in the spotlight all the time.
Real life example, things I have cut out of my life from 8 balls to 1 or 0 balls- make up, partying, drinking, eating junk, changing hair or clothes because of fast fashion, wasting money on shopping, sitting hours on social media, watching other men or talking about men constantly and run after them like they make us worthy.
Real life example, things I have brought to my life from 0% to 100% – working out, growing my mentality, reading books, handicraft, eating healthily, trying new activities outdoors, meeting friends for food and games, growing my relationship myself stronger, growing my relationship with the man I already have, not looking constantly for ‘better’.
Doing what you actually love is the most right thing of them all. It all actually starts from this point. It is easier to be you when you live the life that feels like you. When we do the right thing, the thing that our hearts says we should do, we will actually feel more alive. We will see life way better and people will start to click with you like you are a magnet. Doing the right thing will make us glow.
I never liked working out because I never did it, now that I do, that is my favorite time consumption and people have never ever said so many good things about me as they have told about me and my yoga.
Don’t change for others
Simple. You find you, you stay you. I know it is tempting, the feeling of belonging and attention from some boy or awesome girl. But don’t. Don’t start liking movies for others, music or activities, fashion, tastes just because they do, or just because you are their friend or because he/she does. If they don’t notice you the way you are, you aren’t supposed to make them notice you. That is 100% the way it is and should be. Don’t force something that should not be. Anything that has to be will be somehow anyway.
I have changed for boys a lot. The final result is that after years of games – I am with a man who has seen me from the first second the way I am (even if we had years of pause from talking, we ended up together) I didn’t get the boys I so desperately tried to get changing myself and my interests from door to door. I tried to force it, wasted so much energy on it.
I changed for girls to feel like I belong, I tried talking about men all of the time, I tried talking about other girls behind their backs, I tried talking about dancing and partying, drinking blabla other stuff. My longest friendship is with one of my really good friends who was the first person with whom I was myself from the first second. In these 7 years, I have had sooooooooo many other friendships, I can’t even count and only 3 others have stayed. Why? Because I didn’t do what was right. And also because I was afraid of loneliness. Which is simply wrong…
People will ALWAYS COME and go. Even if you have no one at some point, you won’t ever stay alone. They will come.
Same way is with work – there is always something for you. It will come when you are ready and when you have space for it. It will come, you won’t stay unemployed forever if you actually want to have a job.
LEARN TO SAY NO
We do grow out of activities, interests, and people. It’s one of the flows in life and we just got to go with it. Maybe you loved photography before but it doesn’t really make you happy anymore. Maybe you liked writing or dancing, working out or puzzles but now it doesn’t go with what you actually want to do. So don’t force yourself to do something just because you used to love doing it. We start liking new tastes and we grow out of some. You may start loving fish and tomato juice while liking less and less pork meat and milk.
It is totally normal and we shouldn’t be afraid to say no to those who came into our lives when we were like that. If they don’t grow with you, it is completely normal that slowly both of you start letting go of the friendship.
It is okay to say no to your habits, to your tastes and feelings. We all want to be better and at the same time, we all have critical times when we can’t be as we usually are.
I know for a fact how hard it is to say no to friends and how people started to make fun of me, then finally saying: “you should live more, you are young, it’s stupid to stay home alone, come drink with us and make memories.” What they didn’t take into account was that these memories wouldn’t mean so much to me, that I don’t enjoy alcohol as much and that I really enjoyed deeper relationships than this really superficial everybody-is-my-friend type of life.
I used to be social, I wanted everyone to be nice to me and everyone to like me. I said no to that. I am happier when I have at least 1 real friend. But I also know people who are another way around.
Acknowledge your feelings.
If you know what you feel it is easier to pick your direction. When you don’t care and don’t want to admit what you feel because it’s not ‘manly’ or ‘beautiful’, it will for sure actually stop you on your run. We all have to feel sometimes. If we block all our feelings they will just get stuck and gather into our hearts. This is what will make us dull. If you don’t want to show to other, at least show to yourself. Do we really want to be that empty we don’t laugh or dance over good news, cry over sad news or failure, miss when someone is away for a long time?
If we don’t feel anything at all, how do we know we are happy at all? How do we know that we do what we love when all we feel is the same constant emotion of just being. How do we think back on our days when all our days consist of the same emotion, all days melt into one.
BE AS YOU ARE. BE REAL.
INTERESTS DEFINE YOU WAY MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
Do what you love as much as you can.
Don’t change for others
LEARN TO SAY NO
Acknowledge your feelings.
We have to be aware of our lives, if we just run through our lives never actually thinking is this what my life is now and am I okay with it, how could we actually be happy? Let’s control our lives, we are the makers of it, right.
You choose your food.
You choose what you do in our free time.
You choose your friends.
You choose your moods.
You choose what you learn.
You choose when you sleep.
You choose your job.
You choose how happy you are.
I know it is hard to some to accept, it is to me. I at least still see that some of the choices as not 100% mine to make. But in pure reality, it really is. Don’t work where you are not happy, don’t eat what doesn’t make you happy. Don’t be with those who don’t make you happy.
Maybe it is hard to step out of that zone, the rhythm that is in our bodies and minds. It will be worth it. It doesn’t have to happen overnight, it is not happening to me either, but to some, it may. We are all different and we really have to decide ourselves what is good for us. If we can’t decide ourselves we need to ask help from the smarter. There is no shame in doing the right thing and asking help with trying to find your right things.
I am trying, I hope you are too! I am giving the best I can at this moment, I hope you are too!
