“Feeling strong hurtful feelings towards others don’t damage them however much you want them to hurt with you, they will watch TV in peace while you are drinking the poison you poured for them.”
The biggest thing that makes us drink the poison – trying your ass off to make someone love you, understand you, be there for you without begging, respect you or take you into account when in their hearts they don’t want to.
I have worked my ass off with so many people trying to make them want me, respect me and it has never worked. People who know me and have stayed for a long time; with whom we had gotten through everything – I didn’t have to beg, they wanted to learn my language.
I know people are not perfect, I am not. But I know about learning others with a serious heart. They are so important to you that hurting them would be straightly hurting yourself.
How do you know that someone hasn’t even listened to you seriously? They make the same mistake over and over again; they never seem to learn who you are, not even your basics that some half-strangers know already how to take it into account because it’s YOU. And doing that they never feel bad unless you force them to feel bad about it.
Now my whole life I thought this is possible – you can learn to love AND IT IS, but it only is when you are 100% in it and not less, it means consistency, consistency and having their back.
I have failed at it in the past and also some people around me, which made me and others do the one really wrong thing – begging them to love you.
It is okay to explain your feelings many times to a friend or say out what you think to a colleague or share your fears with a partner. It’s okay to let another know because they might not get that just by looking at you, thoughts aren’t seen to the eye, you know. Therefore it is okay to ask for love when the other one isn’t catching it themselves. It is also okay to feel like it is turning into begging for love when they fail to do it several times and again.
Do you know what makes life easier? Not running after them. Not running after respect, not running after love, not running after understanding – when you constantly feel like you are running after, it means that they are not there with you 100%.
I ran after a really bad match for me for a year. A YEAR in my life was so said wasted or one experience wiser, but I will never remember that year as good or happy or something worthy because all I did was begging for someones love instead of just looking it from myself.
If someone shows you really clearly with their actions and sometimes even words – that you are not that important, STOP. You are not going to raise your importance by forcing them to see you this way.
Real respect is when you don’t even have to ask for it and it is there OR you never have to ask for it twice.
Real understanding and listening are when one listens and remembers AND acts on it without the need for you to explain endlessly who you are.
Real considering is when they treat you as important as they are/even better/a little less. If a person can’t ever see your point of view you really can’t make them see it. Unless you have a cruel heart and you will do to them what they do to you or left undone. But mostly even then it will just hurt the avenger.
Now when someone is less than they said or promised to be, the ones being said, tend to grow hateful feelings towards them. What is that harsh reality? I have seen a lot of jokes made on it when girls get angry and pour it all out and then the guy doesn’t even care one bit. I have gotten it and it is the worst feeling. Where both sides are in it 100% – ones’ pain is also anothers’.
If that is missing, what is the achievement behind it? In this case, it eats you alive and it hurts you when you see the other one is perfectly fine when you are so not. So it is seriously wrong to drink the poison you planned to pour for them.
The lemon water to drink instead of poison: “I am not going to be angry. I will just stay away, calm down, not try to make others feel bad and just do stuff and keep my mind occupied and you know what. I feel good about it. I have carried too many hateful feelings and I am feeling them dragging me down. I just want to be loved deeply and understood by a partner, I just want my friends to see me for real and support me, I want myself to get better and I just want to stop feeling that it is impossible to move on. I will not speak when I don’t speak from heart.”
But the thing wrong with me is the poison I am drinking while knowing that lemons are right in the fridge. I want to stop that and I slowly have, in any situation I have become better, only the hardest ones I fail to take shots of poison. I courage others to stop. It is ugly to carry hate.
Let’s try to learn ourselves as no one ever will because that is what is anyway and will be anyway. We can’t place our joy into other people hands, they will give it away and won’t feel a difference. Instead let’s keep it and try to detux our bodies with it.
NB – Everything I write about I have been through as the doer, all the ugly examples for sure and good examples I may have only gotten a taste of it and getting the idea and motivation to work towards it.
NBNB – I am sorry for being so harsh, but some days we get harsh lessons and harsh lessons are also what makes life better because you change for yourself. Sometimes in a bad way, sometimes in a good way. But I guess everything is to protect you. My therapist taught me that everything you are now once was what helped you survive. So push that shot of poison away and drink lemon water instead. Don’t collect too many negative adaptive character traits. I can say from my own experience that it is super hard to fight them off.
