It has been a week and I miss my dog super much. When I moved to Malta it was different because Bonita slept all the nights downstairs and only on daytime spent time with me. It’s different now because, since January 2017, she slept 90% of the nights all cuddly next to me.
I did wait with all my heart to move together with my love because missing love is definitely harder, but not having a dog means that every day has a little less sunshine and happy in it in a way that you can feel something small, but valuable is missing.
So let me tell you how amazing it is to have a dog.
First I am from a big family, always had someone to play with, never was alone, yet my mother decided we need a dog also. I guess because she grew up with animals and knew how amazing it is. Having 3 siblings and 2 parents (I know I said I was never alone, but that’s not completely right) I still found myself from time to time spending a whole scary night alone in the apartment – do you know who was there for me – our family’s’ dog Mona.
Me and my sisters, we all grew up with a dog beside us so I can’t actually remember the everyday life much. I remember Mona walking ALWAYS behind mother, following her every step. I remember that other kids were jealous, I remember the PUPPIES!! I remember some of us had to go out with the dog every morning and night. I remember her snoring and I remember her cuddles when we were sick. She was always there, just like family, always with us. We even took her to parents friends house when we visited, we took her to the forests when we went.
The most precious memory to me is her waiting ALWAYS AND ALWAYS AND ALWAYS in the corridor when nobody was home. She was ALWAYS there to greet and didn’t leave you alone when my mother wasn’t home. I remember playing with her and how strong she was, I remember she never hurt us and that she was protective. I always remember her as a mother dog, a lady dog, a grown-up dog.
We had her for 7 whole short years, exactly for the whole time we lived in the childhood city-apartment home we had. It was heartbreaking when she was gone. 9 years have passed and my eyes still start producing tears when I think about it even though she actually was my mothers’ dog and I can’t really remember being close to her.
For a while, we lived without a dog. We did get a big German Shepard Retty, but personally, I missed a small dog. Retty was also a small dog in her heart. She actually slept next to me when I was living alone downstairs and all of the family upstairs, I let her in my bed to feel safe. I loved it, I had a huge alive teddy bear to cuddle.
Nothing beats the moment in a teenage girls life when a mother says, we will get a puppy. A puppy that stays and grows up with us. A puppy that will slowly cuddle her way deep into your heart and will never leave again.
I know my mother likes to say that I am not an animal lover, which at some part is true for example, I am afraid of a lot of animals and I pick the animals I like. But there is still huge love in me that will get out when I get to know the animal. Yes, I am even afraid of sheep, If I don’t know someone I won’t get touchy easily.
Is it because when I was a child a dog scared me and I scared the dog with my reaction so that the dog remember me as a threat and wanted to attack me every time I visited. I seriously was afraid of my life and one cute animal has never been scarier in my eyes. Maybe that was the trigger in my brain to make me realize that all of them can hurt me so I kind of keep the distance, but when I get to know one, I will love one.
About puppy Bonita. I remember our family going after her to take her home and then I have a huge blank. I don’t remember her being a puppy, even though she has always been a pup in my eyes, even when she is almost as grown-up as the last dog.
There is one moment in that blank, one really important moment in my life – the moment I realized however sad was losing one, it didn’t mean that happiness was lost. I took my pup upstairs to my room and I was laying down with her, just looking at her playing, that was all I did. I just looked at her. It hit me super suddenly that this is the most freaking cutest and lovable furball I had ever seen. My heart got super sad and super calm and happy at the same time.
That was the beginning of her cuddling into my heart. It wasn’t just a family dog anymore, or my mothers’ dog. She became a piece of my heart. I was the one in my family who made up a nickname to her that everyone uses and that I see as an actual name now “Tsabu”. She is one adorable sometimes annoying Tsabu.
Mother didn’t let her sleep in a bed, mostly because maybe she would have gone away, annoyed Retty and got bitten again. So she slept in her place. Daytime, she was mostly with me, when mother came home, she was gone BUT came back to help me fall asleep and then mother called her back to Bonitas’ bed.
Every time I was at home (which while high school was a lot) she was with me. Usually, we watched movies and she was sleeping in between my legs or on my stomach and took away my school sadness.
Our friendship was mostly being lazy together.
Now years passed, I was away and moved around until I got back home. 2017 was the real year of me understanding what it was like to own a dog. I had it easier because my sister also took care of her.
It was a really really hard year for me. I started from 0 and I built myself up from scratch. Now I cried I guess around 1000 times in 2017. Okay maybe not that much, but it certainly felt like every day and sometimes more than 3 times, I had to let out the bad tears. I have many reasons why I got through the year good and only better and better, but one huge reason was BONITA THE DOG.
I had ALWAYS someone to cuddle me, always someone who waited for me, always someone who wanted to give me the feeling that I am wanted and loved. She was always ready to be hyped or to be sad, she was always everything I needed.
Days and days we spent together. Seriously my 2017 July and August was me at home with my dog. Spending time with my dog. Matu and Tsabu. I sunbathe, she was right next to me in the shadow, I was reading she was on my lap, I was watching a movie, she was always on my lap or near me. While I was eating she was definitely always next to me.
When I went away for a weekend or for a day, she was waiting for me, when I got home she actually started doing that heartbreaking happy crying sound and showed how happy she was to see me. Never ever will I see anyone else being so happy over me.
A dog protected me through all night. Which actually means that she made me feel safe. I was afraid to sleep alone in the house (just like when I was a kid).
She made my life better and she really made me realize many many many things in this life. She didn’t leave me alone even when I was at my worst. At my worst, she came and started to kiss (or is it lick) me until I couldn’t cry anymore. Wiggled her tail and just was there for me. My favorite part is when she looks me in the eyes when I tell her how I feel. It is like she is the smartest most understanding pet on this planet earth. Which I hope every pet owner feels with their pet.
A dog will teach you about unconditional love. A dog will teach you respect. A dog will teach you patience. A dog will teach you happy. A dog will teach you how to actually be there. A dog will teach you how to enjoy life and do “time out” from time to time or every day for once. A dog will teach you about taking care of one who can’t do it alone. A dog will teach you what it feels like to never be lonely. A dog will teach you about time scheduling and to take into account about other needs. A dog will give you so much you will never be able to give.
At least my dog is the sincerest living thing I know, the sweetest and cutest and everyone should learn to relax and how to love from her.
